realm of reality

Just a few more days before I start my “new” life. My new working life. OH NO! I’m shivering right now just at the thought of it. It’s like I can no longer be as free as last time. No more sleeping till the late afternoon, waking up as and when I like, going out as and when I’m happy, NO MORE OF MANY MORE THINGS!

I can no longer be a bummer. And I like bumming. Isn’t that sad! It’s like you being a dancer but one day some one breaks your legs and tells you “NO! NO MORE OF THESE DANCING! NO MORE BEING A DANCER!” And you can no longer be a dancer ever again even if you wish to defy that person who told you not to dance. Why? Because that bloody arse broke your legs! Hahaha! Ok a bit exaggerated but it’s just like that!

The feeling is like NO TURNING BACK! It’s like I would have to slog for the rest of my life! I’m no longer 16 or 18, I’m freaking 21 already! (21 years, 3 weeks and 3 days to be exact) Gosh I feel so old now!

If I don’t start slogging now, when do I start then? Then once when I’ve started, when can I stop? Who can tell me? Can I even stop in the first place? Once I’ve stop, what am I to do to survive in this world? I’ll need the stable income for the future; for my parents, for marriage, for a roof over my head, for my future children, for my future everything! Do you think I’ll be able to stop? I don’t think so!

So like I said, there’s no turning back! Unless I intend to take a long break to enjoy life once more like I never did. But still I would have to return back to slogging days after I’m done enjoying life. Or unless I strike a few millions in the lottery! YES! Then I wouldn’t need to think so much! Yes, continue dreaming.

Bobo liat’s dad once told us that life is like a never-ending marathon. When you start running, you can’t stop. You’ll have to try to run the race all the way till the end in order to provide a living for your children and family no matter how tired you are. But once your children are all grown up and can find a living for themselves, they carry on the race for you. Where they will run in your place and you can finally take a rest. And it goes on and on…

But after running for so long, you have wasted your life slogging. Trying all ways to bring in a better income for the future. But did you have a choice? If you were to stop running and give up half way, would there be a day where some one would run the race for you?

In order to survive in this world (or more like singapore), you can never retire at a young age. Everything is so expensive here! And it’s just getting more and more expensive over time. There’s no way you can stop. So once I’ve started, I can’t stop. If I’m thinking of stopping, then what will happen to my future then? For the future, I can’t stop. No matter how much I dread it. And I really DREAD IT!

It’s time where my wings are strong enough to fly. No more staying in my nest, being fed by my parents. One day I would have to BE like my parents. Fly off to find shelter and food to feed the young. I can’t possibly stay in my nest forever expecting my parents to take care of me forever. One day my parents wings will grow weak in age and can no longer fly, then who will be there to feed me?

Just when I am able to fly, when I take my first flight I am certainly scared. And I might not succeed at first, but I have to keep trying. Once I’m stable, I start my new life. And I can’t stop flying! Else I will fall from the sky.

When I was studying, I hated school and studies and envied those who have graduated. At that time, many people said that studying’s the best. But of course I felt it was a chore. Now when I’ve graduated and have to start finding a job. Somehow I really agree with that now. When you are young, you wish you could get older soon! But once when you’re older, how you wish you were young again.

How weird life is right. When you were young and innocent, the world was like a perfect image in your head. Loving parents, no betrayals and back stabbings, no scandals, no fights, no worries. But now when you’re older, you know what’s going on around you, you no longer feel this world in the same way. This world is scary.

I don’t know if I will like my job. But I’m sure I’ll get sick of it in time. I mean who doesn’t? But you can’t always get what you want. And you will always expect more than your expectations. That’s why you are always not satisfied in life. So now, all I look at is $$$. This job may be boring (picking calls leh! of course boring) but at least what I’m looking at now is the salary they will be paying me. It’s my expected salary (cuz of shift allowance) so I’ll gladly work just for that.

With all my irrelevant experiences, it’s not easy to find a job that’s willing to pay you my expected. So what if I got a degree? There are heaps of degree holders out there! Why should they pay you well just because you are a degree holder? They can always find some one else who could also be a degree holder! It’s not like being a degree holder is a rare thing.

I really regret working at Raffles because it is a total waste of my experiences! I don’t know why back then I didn’t think of my future. Like if I were to go into F&B line, then Raffles will be good. But I knew that in the future, I will never do F&B. But I still continued to work there. Because all I wanted was to earn that money for the time being just for extra allowance to pay my bills and transport fees.

But if I didn’t work at Raffles then I wouldn’t have met bobo liat. So it could be a blessing in disguise! Even if I didn’t get relevant experience from working there, it still isn’t as bad as getting relevant experience working some office job but not getting to meet bobo liat right!

If back then I chose to do some office job or something related to my field of studies, I would be paid much more than my expected. Why? Because I have related experience and a degree. Definitely pay more! Would a admin post want to pay some one 2.5k basic if they have a degree but only experience in waitressing? Of course not.

But if you have no experience at all, being a degree holder could give you a good jump start though as minimum they should pay you about 2k - 2.2k. Else if they are paying you lesser, mind as well don’t get a degree! Because poly grads get paid about 1.7k-1.9k. So why study for a degree if it’s no diff from poly?

I can’t believe it’s so fast! Next monday, NEW BEGINNING! We’ll see how it goes. No matter how shitty it may be, persevere! Everyone has to go through this some day. And Monday 8th September, is the start of this day for me! You could say I’m a bit excited. Yes I am. But I’m still 30% scared and 50% reluctant. Oh well, life still has to go on.

Actually I make this post sound so scary, but maybe it isn’t that scary? Only when you try, then you’ll know right? Alrights! Gambatte ne.

Watashi wa rai shu getsu-youbi hatarakimasu! Earn more okane! Watatshi wa ima gohan o tabemase. HUNGRY! Mata ne.